I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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