I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
