He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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