i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
