I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
