so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
