i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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