literally had 100 drinks last night.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
