there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize