please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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