my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
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