Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
40s are totally the cure
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
