This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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