i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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