you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
