He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
