What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Randomize
