she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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