Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize