he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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