Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
