you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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