he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize