I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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