Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
