she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
