You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
