If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
honey bunches of taint.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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