sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
