I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
