I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
