How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
