cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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