the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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