I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
