I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
