my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
