Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
