It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
