and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
