Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Boobs speak an international language.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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