Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
