First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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