I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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