May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
She just used a chaser for red wine.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
