I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
