No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
