ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
