and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
honey bunches of taint.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
