He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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