i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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