the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
