garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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