please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
