You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
