Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
