Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize