You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
