please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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