U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
