i love accidental penises.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize