I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Randomize
