Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
