Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
