dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize