We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
