You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
