I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
