I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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