So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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