Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize