I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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