I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
