A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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