He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
