So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
